Friday, March 28, 2008

Poop Attacks

Why is it that every time someone in a public restroom gets a poop attack and you walk in on them, they just sit in the stall for a half hour? Like today, I walk into a two-stall restroom to change. The chick next to me just sat there silently, not even shuffling a foot, the whole ten minutes while I was changing. I actually thought she had left but when I looked down there were feet in the stall still. Why? Either let it out, or leave and come back when the coast is clear. It's not like I don't know what you're up to! And anyways, everyone gets poop attacks! Speaking of which...

UPDATE: My own poop went fabulously. I however experienced another one of those stall lurkers today. I was in the bathroom at school doing my make up because I ran out of the house today, and this girl kept thinking I was going to leave soon so she just stayed in the stall. Sadly, I wasn't going anywhere, and neither was she! So anyways, I realized this is a big problem. People don't know how to poop gracefully in public. So here are some tips if you're one of those awkward lurkers.

1) Scope out the obscure bathrooms. There are bathrooms that people use less than others. These also include disability restrooms. Yes, it usually says on the door not to use it if you don't have a disability, but as far as I'm concerned, a poop attack is definitely a disability. 

2) Don't go at rush hour. I know it's hard to tell your poop attacks when to and not to come (otherwise you'd wait til you got home!) but if you can hold it until people are in class or lunch time is over, you're less likely to get trapped. Or, if it is really busy, that's a good time to go. When the bathroom is noisy with flushing and water running, hurry and duke it out and get out. No one will know who it was.

3) Poop really fast. 

4) Everybody Poops. I am waiting for the day when someone takes a huge, loud, smelly dump and saunters unabashedly out of the stall in front of everyone. I can't wait to see that. People are so embarrassed about something that we all do! Why isn't pee embarrassing? It may not be quite as strong smelling, but it is still waste! Anyways I think poop etiquette needs to change. We need to come to a universal understanding that since people poop in public restrooms already, it won't be a big deal to just admit it. 

The End